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Tag Archives: Jack Kilborn

search engine funnies 2.0

01 Tuesday Sep 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in get along like cats and dogs, something important, I'm sure

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

dogs and cats, google, Jack Kilborn, Jane Koenen Bretl, Judy Clement Wall, search engine, Zebra Sounds

Here it is again:  a quick round-up of search terms that curious people seeking answers to life’s nagging questions typed into their search engine of choice and ended up on my blog instead…

“Jane Killborn”    (hard-core gore thriller author Jack Kilborn‘s eccentric aunt?)

“how to get dogs and cats to get along”    (remains a mystery to all of us….)

“daily mirror cartoon jane”   (can I speak in word bubbles?  That would be fun.)

“guinea hen cooked in pig bladder”   (Cool! I actually talked about that one…)

“something important”   (isn’t that a rather vague search phrase?)

“candid tween”  (I get a lot of visitors with that one)

“find my head”  (if you lose your head, can you find it online?)

“zebra sounds”  (being a fan of blogger/author Judy Clement Wall is lucrative)

And, what remains the most popular random link that googlers follow to reach jane, candid??

“pre-wash cycle”

Yes, where upstanding citizens looking for real advice on how to operate the pre-wash cycle on their dishwasher instead find pictures of my dog licking the plates…

As a writer, one likes to think that people visit said blog on purpose — but if I get a candid tween obsessed, guinea hen cookin’ pet whisperer who lost her head because the dishwasher pre-wash was broken?  I’ll take it.  All are welcome.

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{Books to Ponder} April

23 Thursday Apr 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in good reads

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Anne Lamott, Christina Katz, J.A. Konrath, Jack Kilborn, Maria Bailey, Nora Ephron, The Ultimate Mom

Current Reads:

Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott

And, of course, since I had read the story that I wrote but not the other 257 pages:  The Ultimate Mom, an anthology by Maria Bailey (I’ve heard the story on page 34 is worth a look)what a great book!

Recently read:

Whiskey Sour, J.A. Konrath

1/2 page of Afraid, Jack Kilborn

Writer Mama, Christina Katz

On Deck:

I Feel Bad About My Neck, Nora Ephron

Get Known Before the Book Deal, Christina Katz

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Recommendations, anyone?

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Kilborn conniption

19 Sunday Apr 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in get along like cats and dogs, Writing

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Afraid, book tour, dog, Jack Kilborn, Joe Konrath

Jack Kilborn paid a visit to our house, and our dog had a conniption.

As usual, my adventures with this intrepid author-on-a-mission started out innocently enough.  He had blogged about his upcoming “book tour on a budget”, repeating his 2006 grass roots marketing, manically ambitious yet cunningly practical, value added, trend-setting 600+ bookstore book signing extouraganza.  (New!  Now 30% more effective than the previous formula with extra cost fighting power!)  He is promoting his new book Afraid, which I now own and has freaked me out so badly with its hard-core-gore that I can’t crack the cover again.

He had already traveled 742 miles and dropped in on 47 book stores in a couple days.  We offered this weary traveler a good night’s rest, and knew we would likely have a Saturday night far more interesting than usual.

As you may suspect, he is fascinating to talk to.  He tells great stories.  It was a hoot and an honor to have him visit and have the opportunity to shoot the breeze for hours.  Unfortunately I am such a new newbie that I did not even know what to ask him, this author with half a bazillion books in print, sitting in our living room.  After reading along on his 31 day blog tour, I had read the 283 Q&A interviews he had already done; with a mind like a steel sieve, I managed to ask lots of questions to which I already knew the answers then mentally thump myself on the head.  I hope I was at least charming in a dumbfounded kind of way.  He gave me good advice.

joe, friend of dogs I am a big fan of his blog The Newbie’s Guide To Publishing,  with its archives of extremely helpful and generous information for new writers like me.  His real name is Joe Konrath.  He’s funny.  Look at his picture.  How scary could he be?

Then something went awry…

Maybe she sensed the creative mind that wrote a scene involving a jingling dog collar with no dog in it.

Maybe she was really ticked that he would not share his beer.

*

*

*

Whatever the reason, this is apparently who the dog saw sitting in the recliner:conniption producing visitor

She slept with one eye open all night.

She is, as I type, growling in her sleep even though he left the house six hours ago.

She had a canine conniption.

*

They made a truce this morning, my befuddled pet and bewildered guest.  After he left, I realized I did not remember to take a picture. (Mind, sieve, daggnabbit.)

It was a Saturday night to remember.

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scaredy-pants

18 Wednesday Mar 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in good reads, Writing

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

A Newbie's Guide to Publishing, Afraid, blog tour, J.A. Konrath, Jack Kilborn, Katherine Battersby, scaredy-pants, The Well Read Rabbit

How did I ever get mixed up with a guy like Jack Kilbourn?  It started out innocently enough…

One of the very first comments I ever received on my blog was from a lovely children’s book illustrator and writer.  Katherine Battersby had stumbled upon my blog in its first few weak-kneed days and was kind enough to leave a note of encouragement.  Her blog, The Well Read Rabbit, became a favorite.  I loved its gentle tone, captivating illustrations, and her inspiring words for writers.  I check it every day because it makes me smile.

Perusing her calm oasis of a website one day, I read this post as my first introduction to J.A. Konrath’s blog,  A Newbie’s Guide to Publishing.  (Irony alert.)  Katherine wisely urged her readers to read all the way to the end of Konrath’s “cheeky” comments, lest we miss his true intent of encouragement.  I did read the whole thing, and was hooked — now Konrath’s Newbie blog was on my blogroll as well.  I trolled through lots of his past blog posts and found a wealth of helpful information about getting started as a writer.  He’s a successful novelist already, with the Lt. Jacqueline “Jack” Daniels suspense series and many other publishing credits.  Plus, he was just scary funny (insert foreshadowing music here).  He made me smile in a completely different way.

Then he turned a whole different cheek of cheeky.  J.A. Konrath launched an ambitious blog book tour, creating lots of buzz for his new book  Afraid along the way.  This horror novel, set in small town Wisconsin, is to be released on March 31st.  Every day in March, he has been on a break-neck-paced blog marathon that makes me wonder if he is going to make it to 3/31 in one piece.  And, who is this Jack Kilbourn?  Just his pseudonym for when he wants to write the hard-core horror.  If you have not been following along, it is worth a look to watch J.A./Joe/Jack in action.  As I have mentioned before, I see blog tours as a fun ride for us as readers to follow.  I find so many interesting people…

But, how did I wind up in this story?

afraidus

Afraid is billed as the scariest horror novel ever written.  He invited anyone to read the book before it’s released (he’d send you a copy) and write a review.  I have since read many reviews that sound convincing.  “Carnival of carnage?”  “An absolutely unrelentless nightmare??”  I am convinced I would not sleep for weeks if I attempted to read this book.  This is not my genre.  I feel much more comfortable hanging out in the blogosphere with a well read rabbit.  Preferably one that does not have blood dripping from its fangs cute little bunny teeth.  I wrote Joe Konrath a note saying I was too big a scaredy-pants to read his novel but I wished him luck anyway.

And here is what he sent back to me:  A Top Ten List to help readers like me who are horror challenged.  Under his alter-ego pen name Jack Kilborn, he writes a sick, gory story — but I am starting to suspect that this J.A./Joe/Jack fellow is really just a nice fuzzy bunny inside.

I hope.

I’m leaving all the lights on while I keep hoping.

Top 10 Ways To Get Through Afraid by Jack Kilborn if You’re Just a  Scaredy-Pants

by Jack Kilborn

10. Keep repeating “It’s only a book, it’s only a book.”

9. Read it in the daylight, surrounded by people you trust.

8. Get the audiobook version, and listen to it while driving or working out, so your attention is divided.

(Note to self: I don’t think I should be operating a motor vehicle while listening to something that might make me wet my pants in terror.)

7. Stop every five pages for cookies and milk. You can’t be frightened while eating cookies and milk.

(Finally, an appealing idea!  Except what if I toss my cookies after reading about the woman’s toe being gnawed off?)

6. Give it to a brave friend, and have her cross out all the scary parts with a marker. (added benefit: you’ll be able to read the whole book in eight minutes.)

(Anyone? Anyone?)

5. Visit www.JackKilborn.com and play the Afraid game. You’ll realize the writer is a goofball, and not scary whatsoever.

4. Keep the phone nearby, with 9 and 1 already dialed.

3. Make sure the doors are locked, the lights are on, and your gun is loaded.

2. Read it drunk. Then you won’t remember the scary parts.

1. Don’t read it at all. But for heaven’s sake, buy a copy. The author wants to buy a Porsche.

So, there it is, compliments of the scary man himself.  A big, happy, fuzzy bunny hug to Joe for including me on his blog tour.  I am honored.  I may not be brave enough to read Afraid, but I am now a loyal reader of his other work.  AND, I’ll always remember that when one blog leads to another, there is no telling where I might end up.

Afraid comes out March 31. If you think you’re brave enough, give it a try…

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jane, candid

In 2009, I started this blog to share my sometimes thoughtful, sometimes funny, occasionally irreverent thoughts on motherhood, writing for publication and myriad creatures that got along as cats and dogs.

One day, I felt like stepping away from living out loud for awhile. Eh, life happens.

Fast forward five years -- I'll gloss over the details for now -- save to say that lucky for me an unexpected detour has provided some new material.

So here I am, standing at the corner. I've been here before, wondering which way to go. This time I choose living.

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