Tag Archives: Writing

I hath a dream (about hecklers)

30 Wednesday Nov 2011

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Posted November, 2011.

“30 days hath September…”

I get that far with the old rhyme, then have to stop and think what comes next.  November rhymes with September so it hath 30… right?

Hmmm. A quick online perusal yields a website with 89 versions of the rhyme = not helpful when trying to unscrew a memory aid that I can’t remember!  This is what I can recall: November is NaNo is 50,000 words written in 30 days.  Got it.

November. In 2009 and 2010, November meant NaNoWriMo for me, an exhilarating ride of literary abandon, a seemingly impossible goal of verbal output.  What lovely irony that attempting the impossible is so freeing of fear of failure.  Liberating really, to be forced into writing for speed, which by necessity turns off the Inner Critic.  If the Heckler is on duty, there simply are not enough hours in the day, even if you feed your kids Eggo Waffles for dinner and forgo luxuries like sleeping.

But, alas, no NaNo for me this year, for a variety of reasons.  I have missed the experience off and on all month, but not more acutely than today, November 30th, when I can almost feel the exhilaration of rounding third, banging out 5000 words on the last day before skidding into home, face first, mouth full of dirt, submitting the manuscript by 11:07pm for the midnight deadline and holding my breath until the website confirmed that it indeed caught what I had just birthed as it hurdled through the ether.  (I always get that visual when I hit the send button on my work, which I am guessing would be disturbing for the recipients if they knew.)

In my memory of prior years, NaNo is perfect. It provides the deadline I require for adrenaline driven output. Any arbitrary nature of that deadline is inconsequential when I am in the middle of it.  It feels so good to just write without censorship, not bothered by little details like whether each paragraph actually makes sense.  That is all sorted out later, because in November each day is just words on the page, pushing harder to squeeze them out of some small place inside that I did not even know was full of ideas because I was too busy thinking.  Yes, 2012 NaNo?  I’ll be back.  (Luckily, the pain of NaNo is harder to remember…)

For now, I will embrace one aspect of the November NaNoWriMo experience into December and beyond:  gagging that Heckler.  You know the Heckler — the one that likes to curl up in a lumpy LazyBoy recliner in my mind, drooling with anticipation at each days’ spoils as she chews yesterday’s ideas, dribbling doubt onto every string of alphabet letters I dare to scrabble into sentences.

Yes, that Heckler.

Maybe you have met her brother or sister?

Yep, working my little word magic in peace without the sound of her breathing in the background — that is the dream for the days that come after the 30 days that November hath. Has. Whatever.

nudge, nudge

29 Tuesday Nov 2011

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Posted 2011.

Sometimes it takes a nudge.  And some good advice.  And an encouraging nod.

And butt-in-chair.

I am beyond thrilled to be mentioned in Jane Friedman’s blog:  Being Human at Electric Speed>>Media Professor + Speaker : 3 Reasons to Have a Website If You’re Unpublished

http://janefriedman.com/2011/11/28/website-for-unpublished/

If I am very still, I can hear it.  A rustling in my soul. 

Knock, knock – it’s the universe calling.  It’s time to open the door again.

the Gift

24 Monday Jan 2011

Posted by in Motherhood, seasons, Writing

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Posted 2011.

I was given an unexpected gift.  I was able to turn back the clock, on a snowy day in January.  I was able to live an experience that I’ve regretted missing the first time, and thought was gone forever.  A writer can rewrite chapters, but who has that luxury in life?

I often feel a bittersweet-ness as my kids grow up — the wonder of seeing both boys become functioning future citizens, and the simultaneous mourning of the little boy days left behind.  The days of toys and picture books.  The days of trains.

The Professor was the one who lived and breathed trains, from age two until what we can now refer to as the Unfortunate Nascar Years.  Trains, every day– the first thing he talked about in the morning and last thing discussed at night.  When he first learned his dad was an engineer, his excitement surely stemmed from the belief that Dad drove the trains.

The Little One’s interest in trains seemed to stem more from the need to do whatever his older brother did, and then the thrill of systematically destroying his brother’s meticulously crafted layouts.  I remember little of the days we can now refer to as the The Dark Years, when each day seemingly ended in wailing and gnashing of teeth in biblical proportions.  Granted, this only lasted from approximately 2001 – 2006, which if you do the math is… well, many, many days where I knew I should feel grateful for the priceless opportunity to be a full-time mom, but I often didn’t.  I wished many of those days away.  If I published a memoir of journal entries from that time, the volume would serve as an excellent form of birth control.

It is entirely possible that I never played trains with The Little One for more than 10 minutes in all those years.  He was such a Pocket Nazi during his formative train-playing days that I would lose my temper with him often, and have to remove myself from the situation before I went all out and lost my mind.  I loved that kid fiercely, but let’s just say I frequently needed to count backwards from 100.  Thousand.  I’ll leave it at that.

I thought about the trains, and many of their old toys, just last week when we cleaned the entire house in preparation for guests.  As we piled toys onto basement shelves and closets, it became clear that a thorough sweep of the Basement Land of Misfit Toys is long overdue.  He kept saying “Ooooh, I remember THAT!” and wanting to take things out while I was putting them in.  He’s a tween, half demanding to be grown-up NOW, and half still a little boy.  Someday soon we will purge the toys that they have not played with in years, I thought to myself, with a twinge of… something, undefined.

Then, during yet another snow day home from school, The Little Man unexpectedly carried the impossibly heavy bin of wooden trains upstairs — the old, well-worn Thomas trains and bridges and tracks – and he looked at me.  Without a word, we went together into the den and we played trains on the floor.  Together.  I had so much fun, and he did too. We took a picture of the final creation.  I think I’ll frame it in a double frame, with an old picture I have of him, “Colezilla”, stomping through a huge train layout with a look of devilish glee.

In those old days, I never had the patience.  I was always too busy trying to find time to be me.  Now I was given the incredible gift of a do-over.  A mulligan of motherhood.  And I treasured every minute.

Becoming a writer was just a dream back then.  I saw many women were able to combine motherhood and writing very successfully;  I had not yet reached that chapter, in those years.  Today I have the space to write, and play, on a magical, snowglobe-y day.

one word

29 Friday Jan 2010

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“Dreams are illustrations… from the book your soul is writing about you.”   Marsha Norman

Can one little word provide some vision for a whole year?

I stumbled upon the idea of this ‘one word‘ while reading author Christina Katz’s new site.  She moved her “WriterMama Riffs” blog over to ChristinaKatz.com.     Christina chose her one word for 2010 — Prosperous.  That is a good word.  It has connotations of not only copious output, but also well-earned income to go with it, always a bonus when doing something you love to do.

Through Christina Katz’s word I found blogger Ali Edwards.  (One of the things I like best about these things is that one writer’s ideas lead to more ideas and on it goes and grows…)  In Ali’s blog, she shares  One Little Word 2010.  Here is her explanation:

“Essentially the idea is to choose a word (or let it choose you) that has the potential to make an impact on your life.

Maybe you want to invite something or maybe you are hoping to subtract something. Maybe your word will be practical or hopeful or creative or fanciful. Maybe you need a big word, something in-your-face that will challenge you everyday. Maybe you need something smaller and quieter that will whisper gentle tidings as you make your way throughout the year.

Whatever word you end up with, make sure it is your word (not your sister’s, mom’s, partner’s, child’s, etc). You can share it publicly or keep it close to your heart.”

Hundreds of her readers commented on their one word for 2010, and Ali published a list of her readers’ words. I find the list thought-provoking and inspiring.

I did not know what my word was a year ago, in the first month of 2009.  Forced to choose back then, I may have volunteered the word “Bewildered”.  Or “Ready To Step Off The Precipice Of The Known”.  Wait, that last one is way too many words.  Maybe “Embark”?

With the clearer view afforded by hindsight, I can now see that my word was “Exploration”.  I started the year with a plan to write children’s books (age 4-8), so I was learning all I could about that genre.  Then I received the exciting news that one of my short stories would be published in an anthology, so I also learned as much as I could about that genre.  Then I discovered blogging, and threw myself wholeheartedly into learning that bright new world.  Then I researched the options of freelancing for magazines and newspapers, writing humor essays and finally rounded out the year by writing a 50,000 word NaNoWriMo draft of a middle grade children’s novel.  So 2009 ended with a great deal of ground covered, a lot of information crammed into my head, and I softly landed somewhere between a lack of focus and a world of possibility.

I finish January, my first blogiversary, with many lessons learned…  The discipline required when granted the gift to do what I love to do but damn I don’t feel like doing it now but I have to do it anyway because it is important for me to write every day to reach my dreams.   Moving beyond the guilt inherent in that previous sentence.  Learning where I have a natural aptitude, and what will actually pay, and how to combine the two.  Sorting what currency in which I want to be paid — money, confidence, fulfillment — and how to combine all three.

A year ago, I read a blog post from a writer that I now cannot find.  In my memory, it was brilliant, and I want to quote it here because it completely describes in a humorous but honest way, how she made it through this same phase. It had the power to stick in my head for a year, in the way that words can do when they speak to your soul.

But I can’t find her.

Still obsessing Moving on, I’ll share the essence of her story: she wrote of ‘blind-dates’ with many genres of writing, and having each genre, time after time, not be “the one”.  She would fall feverishly in love with each one for a while, but then would see the foibles and faults and know she had to keep looking.  But if she had not given each one a try, she wouldn’t know what felt right when she found it.  Which she did.

Dang, the analogy was so much better than that.

Thinking about the next year, I am still on that path of searching and exploring.  But my choice for my one word in 2010?  Embrace.

Embrace the gift.  Embrace the challenges.  Embrace the unknown.  Embrace inevitable failure.  Embrace inevitable success.  Embrace the discipline I must muster.  Embrace the journey, even though I may not know the destination until I find it.

What’s your word?

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“Where are we going?  Good question.  I’ll know it when I see it.”   Anonymous

mission accomplished

03 Thursday Dec 2009

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It has taken me several days to recover, but I am thrilled to share that I did indeed make my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days!

It entailed writing 20,000 words in the last week, including the last 7,000 words on Monday November 30th. It was a finish reminiscent of every term paper I ever wrote — barely squeaking under the deadline.  I was at my home computer when I did the final upload of the manuscript to the NaNoWriMo website at 10:53pm, but I had acid flashbacks to the days of running a term paper through the snowy streets in college to get it into the professor’s mailbox in some campus building that was always on the top of some very steep hill, dashing in breathless and sweating minutes before the deadline (somehow in this flashback it is always snowing, although I know full well that my procrastination spanned all twelve months of each year…).

So, this time I was home and comfy in my fuzzy bunny slippers, and I uploaded it at 10:53pm, which was over an hour before it was due.  Actually, that’s not bad.

Now I emerge from my hermit-like existence, and offer several random thoughts which I shall call Thoughts on Sadistic Writing Goals, Post- NaNoWriMo.  For, like childbirth, I doubt that a participant remembers all the details in the middle:

1.  Starting December 1st, I will not feel like writing anything for a few days.  Not a blog post, not an email, not a grocery list.  I also will not feel like answering the phone.  Which was mostly OK, because nearly everyone I know will be afraid I did not make it to my 50,000 goal, and are not willing to call me and ask how it went until I come clean on how it all shook out.

2.  Do more meal planning in October so that we are not eating frozen waffles for dinner.

3.  Once the writing frenzy is over, everything I do type will be riddled with typos because I spent so many hours blazing through with nary a spellcheck.

4.  The Kitten Kjorn really does work.  And the middle 30,000 words are much harder than the first 10K or the last 10K.  So when one gets to that middle part, don’t give up.

5.  I will feel a sense of elation at attempting something that seemed impossible, but wasn’t.

So, 50,000 words. Way to go.  High fives all around.  What next?

Good question.  All I can say is, it is a start.  I am always trying to start by starting, and that is what I did.  I had a self-inflicted mission, and I made it through.  Please understand though, these are not all 50, 000 high-quality words — I would occasionally type

“this is lame. this is lame. this is lame.”

and those words count just as much as the brilliant ones.  When the kittens walked across the keyboard, I left those “words” in.  But I completely surprised myself by creating characters that did all sorts of interesting things.  I surprised myself by writing scenes that flowed out of my hands like water.  We participants were urged to not spend time going back to read or check anything already written (when I broke that rule, I then understood why they made the suggestion in the first place;  rereading only compelled me to write things like “this is lame, this is lame, this is lame”).

But some of those scenes I went back to check?  I barely remembered writing them. Sometimes I did not remember them at all.  Those scenes wrote themselves.   Along the way some goofy, lovable characters wandered in and out of the story, and at the very end?  Some mild-mannered elderly lady who lived down the street in the story ended up doing something very surprising.  I did not see that coming at all.  I wrote the ‘original’ ending in week two, and filled in lots of scenes for the next two weeks.  Then, Mrs. Bentley showed up and suddenly it all made sense.

I say “made sense” in that brave way of someone who has not yet gone back and read it.  I am going to float on my post-marathon high for a while longer.  Then the revision process will start.  There is still much happy work to be done.

leap before looking

23 Monday Nov 2009

Posted by in get along like cats and dogs, Writing

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With advance apologies to the many excellent housekeepers I know, please disregard the state of my windows.

Wait, um, I mean, those are not my windows… Ha! Silly me.  Yeah this is definitely someone else’s house and that kitten just looks like my kitten Cowboy.

But the point remains:  I have hit the 30,000 word mark on my NaNoWriMo quest, and am reminded that balancing on the very edge of my personal comfort zone makes my heart race, and the idea of leaping before I look? It is not the worst idea in the world.  Sort of liberating, actually.

10 days, and the honeymoon? Already?

10 Tuesday Nov 2009

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It is Day 10 of my great writing escapade, and I have this news flash to report:

NaNoWriMo Honeymoon.  So.  Over.

I look back at my bright-and-shiny post from a week ago (Really?  Has it been a whole week?  What have I been doing?)

Oh, I remember, yesterday I pruned a bonsai instead of writing.  Because that couldn’t wait another year or two before doing.  Sunday I dredged a small pond instead of writing.  That did need to be done, but still.

Then, two things happened:

1)  I woke throughout the night with my brain suddenly filled with ideas of where the story would go.  For days, those lousy characters had been lounging around my brain, eating cheetos and staring at the TV screen even though it wasn’t on, not talking to each other and frankly not doing anything.  At.  All.

Then suddenly last night the characters started to talk again, talking to me, just like the writing experts said they would.  Wow, I need some sleep.

2)  All that character chatting was well and good, until The Professor shared some advice that got the wheels turning again.  He heard me tell a friend last night that I was floundering at about 7600 words, which was a good 8000 words behind the freakishly ridiculous schedule.  This morning, he came up to me out of the blue and gave me some writing advice — he said if I was stuck, I should just keep writing anyway.  If I was on a roll, I should stop.  He said it would make sense if I just did that, because if I quit while I am on a roll, I’ll be excited to sit down again and restart.  If I keep going when I’m stuck, some words will come out anyway.

I love that kid.

And you know what?  It worked.  I just banged out 5000 words this afternoon, for a new total of 12,460.  I guess that technically means I did not quit while I was on a roll, but it sure felt good.  Now I am a mere 4000 words behind pace, and at the rate I am going, I think the NaNo gurus are right — I can sneeze out that many words if I want to.  The honeymoon may be over, but I’m still planning to stick it out for the long haul.

And… we’re off! I mean on! I’m NaNoWriMo-ing!

02 Monday Nov 2009

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Let me apologize right off the bat for the uncontrolled use of exclamation points in that title.

Day One of the Great Writing Adventure got off to a rocky start yesterday, but finished strong and I drifted off to dreamland last night with a sense of accomplishment.  Day One final wordcount:  1799.

So far, I am loving the writing program Scrivener (note:  this is not a paid endorsement.  There is an unfortunate lack of pay for anything at the moment.  My rave reviews are merely the excitement of a software newbie who is amazed by the features of anything beyond Word.)  The program saves my work every two seconds, so there is little worry that any of the gobbledeegook of output will be lost to the ages.  And I do mean gobbledeegook — when the kitten walks across my keyboard, as she is compelled to do often because she wants to commandeer my hands, random words such as

777777urrrrrrrrhtmn,,lp

count as actual words in the daily tally.  Sweet!  And I doubted my ability to hit 50,000.  Luckily most of the words I type on purpose seem to make sense.

Scrivener also saves everything that I delete, which offers peace of mind since I worry that my fingers will accidently spaz out and inadvertently hit the delete button.  This could also come under the heading of Freudian slip, depending on how things are going at the keyboard.  Either way, I can go back and retrieve off the cutting room floor if need be.

My next step is to stop checking my wordcount every five minutes, which is, of course, detrimental to the wordcount itself.  The irony is not lost on me but I am powerless to resist.

And what am I writing about, you ask?  I am no longer telling anyone about my final choice of storyline, as the several attempts to share subject possibilities with family members ended in disasters of confidence.  For now, I’ll just plink along privately.  Other than offering suggestions of better alternative storylines than my initial concepts, everyone here on the homefront has been supportive of my adventure, and I appreciate that.

Day Two wordcount as of now:  2967.  Just a bit behind schedule, but exceeding my expectations.  Onward we go!

get ready, get set…

27 Tuesday Oct 2009

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In preparation for NaNoWriMo, I’ve downloaded some new writing software.  I find it is always a good idea to try something new right when the results matter — the attempt at a new recipe for a houseful at Thanksgiving, or test driving the new bifocals at night — that type of thing.  It adds a little zip to my day when catastrophe shifts from unlikely toward possible.

I’m going to try Scrivener, and I’m sure it will be nifty.  I’ll complete the tutorial, and organize a few notes, maybe take it for a spin, so I’ll be ready to roll.  (Any chance Scrivener comes preloaded with extra words??)  The best part?  They offer a special NaNoWriMo trial period, then a 50% discount on the software  if when you reach your 50,000 word goal.  I am looking forward to giving it a 50K ride.

I lurk on an on-line writing group for humor writers, and one of the members posted some great links for Scrivener and the NaNo.  Author Linda Fulkerson, a self-proclaimed blog-aholic who writes the wonderful  On Blogging Well, shared tips from David Hewson on Scrivener tips and Scrivener and the Mosaic of Writing.  All good stuff.

And yes, once again, I am doing a bang-up job at researching the writing process.  Good thing I have a deadline this time…

solving a happy problem

26 Monday Oct 2009

Posted by in get along like cats and dogs, Motherhood, Writing

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I have what I might consider the happiest problem I could dream up.  One of the new kittens, Mia, is very supportive of my writing.  In fact, nearly every time I sit down at the keyboard to write, she jumps up to my lap and tries to reward my writing efforts by purring hysterically from a spot on my chest.  If she is all the way down on my lap, she makes a little meepy squeak and reaches her paw up toward my cheek, brushing it with her velvet paw until I hold her up higher again.  (I know that borders on kitten-porn but I need you to understand the urgency of the situation…)

She just likes to be tucked close under my chin.  Admittedly, I have a shelf-of-sorts, although it slopes gently southeast more with each passing year, so for now I try to hold her with my left hand and type with my right.  This is my dream problem, but it is a problem, as shown here in exhibit A:

i am nowtyping this witgh one hand whcih reaaly slashes the wordcount  productviity rate.  would be a goood idea to sollve this before say novmeber 1???

OK, back to two hands for a minute.  Maybe I should follow my own advice to my kids — think about the real problem and find solutions?  (They are sooooo tired of the word “solutions”…)

  1. Kitten purring enhances productivity if/when I have use of approximately ten fingers.
  2. Lap is not close enough to chin; although chin(s) keep migrating south also, there is thankfully still a large gap.
  3. Moving shelf back to the north and increasing its level weight-bearing strength/buoyancy/perkiness would require costly surgery.

Here’s one thought:  the BabyBjorn was popular when my kids were babies, but I gave mine away years ago.  Even though the kittens are tripling in size every 48 hours, I still think Mia would be lost in a baby carrier.  Besides, she needs more of an under-chin sling, something shaped like a feedbag-of-sorts that can rest on the shelf-of-sorts, and keep her purring away in her ideal spot, hands-free .  The purring is as mesmerizing a writing aid as the cuckoo clock has always been;  I can just keep typing to the methodical beat of the clock and the kitten.

And perhaps the most poignant aspect of this situation?  Like The Ode To Joy, one never knows when the wonderful problem will stop as suddenly as it appeared, so one must enjoy the problem while it lasts.  The Ode ended as it inevitably had to do, and the Purring could easily find a more comfortable spot, leaving me in the silence I always wished for when the kids were small, and now dread.

So. There is how the idea for the new invention, The KittenKjorn, is born.

Admittedly, there is too small a target market (1? 2?) for this to be a viable business venture.  Plus the useful life of the product is short, unless you happen to also own a guinea pig or other furry mammal who also longs to snuggle under your chin (umm, yuck).  Here’s what makes the idea a winner for me though — when the kitten grows too large, which should be shortly after NaNoWriMo at the current feline growth rate, the KittenKjorn could be repurposed, maybe with snacks?  Say, Chex Party Mix?  Or cookies?  There will be a lot of editing starting December 1, and I do need to keep that productivity up…