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Author Archives: Jane Bretl

oh boy, tannenbaum

28 Monday Dec 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in get along like cats and dogs, Photography, seasons

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cats, Christmas tree, Jane Koenen Bretl, kittens, tannenbaum

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

Why is a cat on top of thee?

*

O Christmas tree, O Christmas Tree,

why do the ornaments go * “wheeeeee!” * ???

*

The top does sway, the star did fall,

That’s why it’s tied right to the wall…

*

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,

A kitten treehouse you will be.

*

Happy Holidays to all!

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revenge of the pork belly

20 Sunday Dec 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Foodies

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

food hangover, friends, Jane Koenen Bretl, mexican restaurant, pork bellies

Thank goodness good friends still call to invite us out to dinner.  We used to be an active part of a fun dinner group;  just some couples that would gather, once a month on the third Saturday night, whoever could find a sitter, and go to a different restaurant each time.  After years of Saturday nights, it turns out one couple was the glue holding the whole group together, and when they moved away, the group slowly drifted apart, as groups sometimes do.

Now we don’t get out much, as they say.  No particular reason, really just a general feeling of comfortable satisfaction spending the weekends together with our kids, coupled with a marked lack of advance social planning.  But some good friends still call, pick a date, make the reservation and get us back out into the city.

So we found ourselves out and about last night in a fun, noisy, young, hoppin’ restaurant downtown.  We were somewhere close to the oldest people there, or maybe I only saw the youth, I’m not sure.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  Just that  it felt vaguely like crashing a party of cool kids, with a grateful feeling that they let me in to spend my money.

The concept was eclectic Mexican, with a menu where I could have ordered anything based on the tantalizing descriptions.  One dish jumped off the trendy page though, and when the (very young) waiter stopped by to inquire if we had any questions about the menu, I asked about the dish.  It was delicious, he said, very rich, and if I wanted something lighter, he recommended the mahi mahi tacos.

Fish tacos?  Hello?  I have had those many times, always good, but not splurge-worthy.  I was OUT, and I wanted the Crispy Pork Belly Tacos with guacamole diablo and pickled vegetables, thank you very much.

I must say, this dish was absolutely delicious.  I loved it.  The meat melted in my mouth but had a crispy caramelized crust that was reminiscent of bacon.  The spicy avocado melded perfectly with the richness and was balanced by the sourness of the vegetables.  It surpassed my expectations.

Walking back to the car, the Christmas lights twinkling around the tall buildings and an unusual amount of people all about, I felt full and warm in the drizzly sleety snow and did I mention full?

The night out was fun and refreshingly interesting for a Saturday night, time spent laughing and talking with good friends and good food.  Still, I was happy to arrive back home and change into my flannel pajamas (elastic waist – yeah!) and just be, well, home again.  It did not take long to drift off to sleep.

Around 3:00 am, I woke with an acute awareness that I had consumed the innards of a pig that had been garnished with guacamole diablo (Diablo?  Does that mean hot or devilish?) and those pickled vegetables of Beelzabub.  Really, what was I thinking?  Although I don’t drink, I had clearly been drunken with the out-ness of the evening.  The intoxication of friends and food and youth and twinkly lights was *poof* gone in the dark of the night, and I was left with a food hangover.  As I propped myself up on a pile of pillows to have gravity assist the contents of my stomach back down my esophagus, I recalled how often I heard the farm report in my youth, the one that played on the radio at noon on weekdays and would start the broadcast each day with the price of pork bellies.  I don’t think they were selling those pork bellies to Mexican restaurants back in Wisconsin.  As the long-ago-broadcasted words swirled around in my head, the radio announcer’s voice seemed to mock my culinary choices and asked if I also wanted to eat some feed corn or, perhaps, some silage as an appetizer.

The good news about a food hangover is that the morning still breaks bright and new, and for once I felt no temptation to eat any of the bacon I made for the kids’ breakfast.  Think of all the calories I saved by having nothing but my smoothie. Good thing friendship is a soothing tonic; and rich meals, like childbirth, are seldom remembered in full detail.

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mission accomplished

03 Thursday Dec 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Writing

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

NaNoWriMo, Writing

It has taken me several days to recover, but I am thrilled to share that I did indeed make my goal of 50,000 words in 30 days!

It entailed writing 20,000 words in the last week, including the last 7,000 words on Monday November 30th. It was a finish reminiscent of every term paper I ever wrote — barely squeaking under the deadline.  I was at my home computer when I did the final upload of the manuscript to the NaNoWriMo website at 10:53pm, but I had acid flashbacks to the days of running a term paper through the snowy streets in college to get it into the professor’s mailbox in some campus building that was always on the top of some very steep hill, dashing in breathless and sweating minutes before the deadline (somehow in this flashback it is always snowing, although I know full well that my procrastination spanned all twelve months of each year…).

So, this time I was home and comfy in my fuzzy bunny slippers, and I uploaded it at 10:53pm, which was over an hour before it was due.  Actually, that’s not bad.

Now I emerge from my hermit-like existence, and offer several random thoughts which I shall call Thoughts on Sadistic Writing Goals, Post- NaNoWriMo.  For, like childbirth, I doubt that a participant remembers all the details in the middle:

1.  Starting December 1st, I will not feel like writing anything for a few days.  Not a blog post, not an email, not a grocery list.  I also will not feel like answering the phone.  Which was mostly OK, because nearly everyone I know will be afraid I did not make it to my 50,000 goal, and are not willing to call me and ask how it went until I come clean on how it all shook out.

2.  Do more meal planning in October so that we are not eating frozen waffles for dinner.

3.  Once the writing frenzy is over, everything I do type will be riddled with typos because I spent so many hours blazing through with nary a spellcheck.

4.  The Kitten Kjorn really does work.  And the middle 30,000 words are much harder than the first 10K or the last 10K.  So when one gets to that middle part, don’t give up.

5.  I will feel a sense of elation at attempting something that seemed impossible, but wasn’t.

So, 50,000 words. Way to go.  High fives all around.  What next?

Good question.  All I can say is, it is a start.  I am always trying to start by starting, and that is what I did.  I had a self-inflicted mission, and I made it through.  Please understand though, these are not all 50, 000 high-quality words — I would occasionally type

“this is lame. this is lame. this is lame.”

and those words count just as much as the brilliant ones.  When the kittens walked across the keyboard, I left those “words” in.  But I completely surprised myself by creating characters that did all sorts of interesting things.  I surprised myself by writing scenes that flowed out of my hands like water.  We participants were urged to not spend time going back to read or check anything already written (when I broke that rule, I then understood why they made the suggestion in the first place;  rereading only compelled me to write things like “this is lame, this is lame, this is lame”).

But some of those scenes I went back to check?  I barely remembered writing them. Sometimes I did not remember them at all.  Those scenes wrote themselves.   Along the way some goofy, lovable characters wandered in and out of the story, and at the very end?  Some mild-mannered elderly lady who lived down the street in the story ended up doing something very surprising.  I did not see that coming at all.  I wrote the ‘original’ ending in week two, and filled in lots of scenes for the next two weeks.  Then, Mrs. Bentley showed up and suddenly it all made sense.

I say “made sense” in that brave way of someone who has not yet gone back and read it.  I am going to float on my post-marathon high for a while longer.  Then the revision process will start.  There is still much happy work to be done.

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leap before looking

23 Monday Nov 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in get along like cats and dogs, Writing

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

cats, comfort zone, NaNoWriMo, Writing

With advance apologies to the many excellent housekeepers I know, please disregard the state of my windows.

Wait, um, I mean, those are not my windows… Ha! Silly me.  Yeah this is definitely someone else’s house and that kitten just looks like my kitten Cowboy.

But the point remains:  I have hit the 30,000 word mark on my NaNoWriMo quest, and am reminded that balancing on the very edge of my personal comfort zone makes my heart race, and the idea of leaping before I look? It is not the worst idea in the world.  Sort of liberating, actually.

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10 days, and the honeymoon? Already?

10 Tuesday Nov 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Motherhood, Writing

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

NaNoWriMo, Writing

It is Day 10 of my great writing escapade, and I have this news flash to report:

NaNoWriMo Honeymoon.  So.  Over.

I look back at my bright-and-shiny post from a week ago (Really?  Has it been a whole week?  What have I been doing?)

Oh, I remember, yesterday I pruned a bonsai instead of writing.  Because that couldn’t wait another year or two before doing.  Sunday I dredged a small pond instead of writing.  That did need to be done, but still.

Then, two things happened:

1)  I woke throughout the night with my brain suddenly filled with ideas of where the story would go.  For days, those lousy characters had been lounging around my brain, eating cheetos and staring at the TV screen even though it wasn’t on, not talking to each other and frankly not doing anything.  At.  All.

Then suddenly last night the characters started to talk again, talking to me, just like the writing experts said they would.  Wow, I need some sleep.

2)  All that character chatting was well and good, until The Professor shared some advice that got the wheels turning again.  He heard me tell a friend last night that I was floundering at about 7600 words, which was a good 8000 words behind the freakishly ridiculous schedule.  This morning, he came up to me out of the blue and gave me some writing advice — he said if I was stuck, I should just keep writing anyway.  If I was on a roll, I should stop.  He said it would make sense if I just did that, because if I quit while I am on a roll, I’ll be excited to sit down again and restart.  If I keep going when I’m stuck, some words will come out anyway.

I love that kid.

And you know what?  It worked.  I just banged out 5000 words this afternoon, for a new total of 12,460.  I guess that technically means I did not quit while I was on a roll, but it sure felt good.  Now I am a mere 4000 words behind pace, and at the rate I am going, I think the NaNo gurus are right — I can sneeze out that many words if I want to.  The honeymoon may be over, but I’m still planning to stick it out for the long haul.

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a picture is worth a thousand words?

05 Thursday Nov 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Writing

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Chris Baty, dogs and cats, NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo Day 5, and I am at 5881 words.  Behind schedule, but better than I expected.  And I am enjoying the process more than I can say.

All participants can opt to receive email pep talks from the MotherShip;  here is a passage, from NaNoWriMo guru Chris Baty, that sums up part of the appeal of the whole exercise:

We get so focused on doing the things that pay the bills that we sometimes neglect to do the things that make us feel truly alive. You have a world of people depending on you—family, friends, co-workers, bosses, teachers. Taking care of everyone’s needs while still finding time to buy groceries and bathe every couple days can be a feat. Unfortunately, this means that activities like writing and art and music tend to disappear into the margins of our lives.

… For one month, you get to orient your life around your creative spark, rather than vice versa.

So, here I am with my spark, which is at this moment staring blankly back at me, but I know we’ll figure out something more to type.  In the meantime… if a picture is worth a thousand words, then I’ll be posting a few here for your enjoyment (because words written here are not words written there…)

nosey

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And… we’re off! I mean on! I’m NaNoWriMo-ing!

02 Monday Nov 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Writing

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

Freudian slip, NaNoWriMo, Scrivener, Writing, writing software

Let me apologize right off the bat for the uncontrolled use of exclamation points in that title.

Day One of the Great Writing Adventure got off to a rocky start yesterday, but finished strong and I drifted off to dreamland last night with a sense of accomplishment.  Day One final wordcount:  1799.

So far, I am loving the writing program Scrivener (note:  this is not a paid endorsement.  There is an unfortunate lack of pay for anything at the moment.  My rave reviews are merely the excitement of a software newbie who is amazed by the features of anything beyond Word.)  The program saves my work every two seconds, so there is little worry that any of the gobbledeegook of output will be lost to the ages.  And I do mean gobbledeegook — when the kitten walks across my keyboard, as she is compelled to do often because she wants to commandeer my hands, random words such as

777777urrrrrrrrhtmn,,lp

count as actual words in the daily tally.  Sweet!  And I doubted my ability to hit 50,000.  Luckily most of the words I type on purpose seem to make sense.

Scrivener also saves everything that I delete, which offers peace of mind since I worry that my fingers will accidently spaz out and inadvertently hit the delete button.  This could also come under the heading of Freudian slip, depending on how things are going at the keyboard.  Either way, I can go back and retrieve off the cutting room floor if need be.

My next step is to stop checking my wordcount every five minutes, which is, of course, detrimental to the wordcount itself.  The irony is not lost on me but I am powerless to resist.

And what am I writing about, you ask?  I am no longer telling anyone about my final choice of storyline, as the several attempts to share subject possibilities with family members ended in disasters of confidence.  For now, I’ll just plink along privately.  Other than offering suggestions of better alternative storylines than my initial concepts, everyone here on the homefront has been supportive of my adventure, and I appreciate that.

Day Two wordcount as of now:  2967.  Just a bit behind schedule, but exceeding my expectations.  Onward we go!

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let’s put the fun back in dysfunctional!

30 Friday Oct 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Motherhood, something important, I'm sure

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

chores, karmatube.org, parenting magazines, Rube Goldberg, TheFunTheory.com

It’s Friday, and time to have a little fun.  I found this video on the website karmatube.org.  It demonstrates a nifty concept from TheFunTheory.com, where they experiment to see if adding fun to mundane tasks can change people’s behavior for the better.  Have a look:

That made me smile, because it worked.

I tested a version of this “fun theory” years ago, after reading one of those helpful articles about How To Have A Happy Household.  In this case, the suggestion was to make chores *fun* so the kids would be, if not begging to do the chores, at least not complaining about the tasks.

I was dubious, but gave it an enthusiastic try.

“Hey kids, let’s play Laundry Fold-A-Thon!  It will be fun!”

{… insert sound of crickets here …}

I read this helpful hint in a parenting magazine, back when I used to subscribe to them.  I am pretty sure this particular article was written by someone who did not have any Actual Children.

Now, this new Fun Theory?  This one has potential.  It’s not just the technology, although boy does that help.  It is the cleverness, the innate sense of exploration and wonder that my Chore Cheerleading act did not provide.  In retrospect, I now know that if I had simply constructed a Rube Goldberg-type machine to hand each boy a piece of laundry?  We could have finished our fold-a-thon in record time*

(*NOTE:  chore completion time does not include 187 hour construction time of said machine)

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get ready, get set…

27 Tuesday Oct 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

David Hewson, Linda Fulkerson, NaNoWriMo, On Blogging Well, Scrivener, Writing, writing software

In preparation for NaNoWriMo, I’ve downloaded some new writing software.  I find it is always a good idea to try something new right when the results matter — the attempt at a new recipe for a houseful at Thanksgiving, or test driving the new bifocals at night — that type of thing.  It adds a little zip to my day when catastrophe shifts from unlikely toward possible.

I’m going to try Scrivener, and I’m sure it will be nifty.  I’ll complete the tutorial, and organize a few notes, maybe take it for a spin, so I’ll be ready to roll.  (Any chance Scrivener comes preloaded with extra words??)  The best part?  They offer a special NaNoWriMo trial period, then a 50% discount on the software  if when you reach your 50,000 word goal.  I am looking forward to giving it a 50K ride.

I lurk on an on-line writing group for humor writers, and one of the members posted some great links for Scrivener and the NaNo.  Author Linda Fulkerson, a self-proclaimed blog-aholic who writes the wonderful  On Blogging Well, shared tips from David Hewson on Scrivener tips and Scrivener and the Mosaic of Writing.  All good stuff.

And yes, once again, I am doing a bang-up job at researching the writing process.  Good thing I have a deadline this time…

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solving a happy problem

26 Monday Oct 2009

Posted by Jane Bretl in get along like cats and dogs, Motherhood, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

BabyBjorn, kittens, NaNoWriMo, Writing

I have what I might consider the happiest problem I could dream up.  One of the new kittens, Mia, is very supportive of my writing.  In fact, nearly every time I sit down at the keyboard to write, she jumps up to my lap and tries to reward my writing efforts by purring hysterically from a spot on my chest.  If she is all the way down on my lap, she makes a little meepy squeak and reaches her paw up toward my cheek, brushing it with her velvet paw until I hold her up higher again.  (I know that borders on kitten-porn but I need you to understand the urgency of the situation…)

She just likes to be tucked close under my chin.  Admittedly, I have a shelf-of-sorts, although it slopes gently southeast more with each passing year, so for now I try to hold her with my left hand and type with my right.  This is my dream problem, but it is a problem, as shown here in exhibit A:

i am nowtyping this witgh one hand whcih reaaly slashes the wordcount  productviity rate.  would be a goood idea to sollve this before say novmeber 1???

OK, back to two hands for a minute.  Maybe I should follow my own advice to my kids — think about the real problem and find solutions?  (They are sooooo tired of the word “solutions”…)

  1. Kitten purring enhances productivity if/when I have use of approximately ten fingers.
  2. Lap is not close enough to chin; although chin(s) keep migrating south also, there is thankfully still a large gap.
  3. Moving shelf back to the north and increasing its level weight-bearing strength/buoyancy/perkiness would require costly surgery.

Here’s one thought:  the BabyBjorn was popular when my kids were babies, but I gave mine away years ago.  Even though the kittens are tripling in size every 48 hours, I still think Mia would be lost in a baby carrier.  Besides, she needs more of an under-chin sling, something shaped like a feedbag-of-sorts that can rest on the shelf-of-sorts, and keep her purring away in her ideal spot, hands-free .  The purring is as mesmerizing a writing aid as the cuckoo clock has always been;  I can just keep typing to the methodical beat of the clock and the kitten.

And perhaps the most poignant aspect of this situation?  Like The Ode To Joy, one never knows when the wonderful problem will stop as suddenly as it appeared, so one must enjoy the problem while it lasts.  The Ode ended as it inevitably had to do, and the Purring could easily find a more comfortable spot, leaving me in the silence I always wished for when the kids were small, and now dread.

So. There is how the idea for the new invention, The KittenKjorn, is born.

Admittedly, there is too small a target market (1? 2?) for this to be a viable business venture.  Plus the useful life of the product is short, unless you happen to also own a guinea pig or other furry mammal who also longs to snuggle under your chin (umm, yuck).  Here’s what makes the idea a winner for me though — when the kitten grows too large, which should be shortly after NaNoWriMo at the current feline growth rate, the KittenKjorn could be repurposed, maybe with snacks?  Say, Chex Party Mix?  Or cookies?  There will be a lot of editing starting December 1, and I do need to keep that productivity up…

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jane, candid

In 2009, I started this blog to share my sometimes thoughtful, sometimes funny, occasionally irreverent thoughts on motherhood, writing for publication and myriad creatures that got along as cats and dogs.

One day, I felt like stepping away from living out loud for awhile. Eh, life happens.

Fast forward five years -- I'll gloss over the details for now -- save to say that lucky for me an unexpected detour has provided some new material.

So here I am, standing at the corner. I've been here before, wondering which way to go. This time I choose living.

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