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Today’s rule of thumb:  when trying to prepare youngest son for 4th grade human growth and development class by sharing pertinent and potentially shocking information ahead of time, it is a really, really, REALLY good idea to check the curriculum first.

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Like most of my escapades, this adventure started out innocently enough.  Older child had found said 4th grade human growth and development class quite stressful and uncomfortable.  Presumably, for him, such information would best be discussed in the privacy of his own home.  Or preferably, not at all.

Ever.

Too embarrassing for words.

So, since the Little One had been asking me A LOT of questions, I thought I would share some key pieces of information the night before The Class, so he wouldn’t be shocked in front of all his friends.

Oh, was he shocked.  And awed.  And, frankly, pretty disgusted.

The situation discussed in appropriate, accurate terms in a straightforward, honest way about a natural, loving act?  This situation had never crossed his mind.  That goes there and then that happens??? He was flabbergasted.  I felt confident and reassured in my motherly role, teaching my child important life lessons and setting the stage for future open and honest discussions about this important topic.  I was relieved I had saved him the embarrassment of learning these things in front of all his peers.

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Fast forward to dinner the following evening.

Youngest: “It turns out human growth and development class doesn’t start until tomorrow.”

Me:  “That’s nice.  At least you are ready!”  Reassuring motherly smile.

Dad:   Smirk. ( He is so mature. )

Oldest:  “You know Mom, that class only covers the P word.”

Me:  Silently wonder what the P word is.

Oldest:  “You know, puberty.  And just the boy parts.”

Me:  Realization slowly dawning on my pea brain. “Really?  Nothing else?  No other details??  Like about where babies come from???”

Oldest:  “No!  But I sure learned a lot of new things last night when I listened (read: eavesdropped) to your conversation with (youngest) while I was brushing my teeth.”

All:   Awkward Silence.

Dad:   Smirk.

Me:  “Oh, never mind then.  Please pass the broccoli.”

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Another stellar parenting moment.

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Okay, so arguably it is still best to explain these things before they learn it on the bus.  I thought they had already heard a version of It on the bus.  He has already shared graphic hand gestures, questionable anatomical terms and sundry mysterious concepts from the bus rides, asking me what they meant.  Apparently the bus is not quite as technically informative as I imagined.  And the look of sheer horror on dear Youngest’s face when I explained It?  …oh dear.  He was not ready.  The older one did not even know yet.  I goofed.

So, I did what any self-respecting parent would do the following morning (which was today):  I told him I had been kidding and made the whole ridiculous thing up.  HA!  Funny Mommy!!  So silly!!!  Because who would ever put that into there ON PURPOSE!  That’s just crazy talk!

We’ll see what he shares this time after he comes home on the bus…